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Old 07 March 2005, 05:30   #41
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A note from my Solicitor

Fleece, Grabbit & Sue,
St Paddy’s Chambers,
The Law Courts,
Never-Never Land
Tel 0800-talkingshite
Fax 0800 – howmuch
DFX 019283746



Sue/Mad/12887

5th March 2005

John Kennett Esq DFC AA DIY
Cell 1, Secure Wing
HM Funny Farm
LaLa Land
B694JY

Dear Cur,

Our Client – Jono Handsome-Bastard
Matter – Ribnet post of some time recently.


We act for the artist formerly known as Jono in relation to some very nasty things that you “ The Flanders Pigeon Murderer” did permit to be published on your evil website in a post made by someone whose name we have forgotten. We were going to enclose a copy but this newfangled technology has got us beaten. If you could be a sweetie and ask your clerk to scribe said text into Copperplate and forward it to us?

Our client is not a “Nobba” and has been mortally wounded by such a spurious allegation. To permit such postings is a continuance of this unpleasantness and really rather a poor show, old chap. Furthermore we would like it know that my client is definitely not a Nobba.

By this letter we are putting you on notice, or some such legal Mumbo-jumbo, that if you don’t, forthwith, remove the offensive posts our client will have no option but to sulk. This, I assure you is not a pretty site and we hope that you will see our client’s position and rectify your heinous (12 point word score in scrabble) crime immediately.

In addition to the removal of the offending posts our client requires written confirmation of the following

1)The statements have been removed or at least edited at my client’s whim.

2)Any further statement referring to our client as a Nobba, Tossa, Wanka or other nasty words will not be posted

3)A full apology in which the words must be suitabley grovelling.

4)Free use of any boat that you may own with no liability for damage that may or may not have occurred when my client drives it.

We look forward to your earliest response,

Ner Na Na Ner Ner,

Sir Anthony Obnoxious-Twat ARSE BBC ITV (and bar)

.....
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Old 07 March 2005, 07:52   #42
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JK I'm sure you realise that the best defence against a libel writ (Our client is not a “Nobba” and has been mortally wounded by such a spurious allegation) is fair comment. Seems fair to me See ya in Pathelli Nobbah????
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Old 07 March 2005, 08:02   #43
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Absolutely! It can only be defamatory if it's not true . . .

John
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Old 07 March 2005, 08:17   #44
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Fleece, Grabbit & Sue,
St Paddy’s Chambers,
The Law Courts,
Never-Never Land
Tel 0800-talkingshite
Fax 0800 – howmuch
DFX 019283746



Sue/Mad/12888

7th March 2005

John Kennett Esq DFC AA DIY
Cell 1, Secure Wing
HM Funny Farm
LaLa Land
B694JY

Dear Cur,

Our Client – Jono Handsome-Bastard
Matter – Ribnet post of some time recently.


Oh, dear! We were rather hoping that a stiff letter from a reputable firm, such as ours, would do the trick. It seems that you do not fully understand the gravity of the situation that you are putting our client in. We really, really must insist that you stop allowing people to infer that our client is a Nobba.
If this behaviour is allowed to carry on un-checked we fear for the mental well being of our client. Only last night we noticed that his bottom lip was trembling slightly. If it gets any worse we will have no alternative to look for punitive damages as well as oodles of compensation.
If you don’t do as we say immediately, we will have no alternative but to hand this matter onto our most senior “legal executive” (at least that’s what it said on his job application) a Mr Gareth Fish. You will no doubt, have heard about his skills in settling such matters in a fair and final way.



We look forward to your earliest response,

liar, liar - pants on fire,

Sir Anthony Obnoxious-Twat ARSE BBC ITV (and bar)

.....
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Old 07 March 2005, 08:28   #45
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Send a message via MSN to Jon Brooks
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono
[B]Fleece, Grabbit & Sue,


Sir Anthony Obnoxious-Twat ARSE BBC ITV (and bar)

.....
You missed out OBE!

OBE.....Other Buggers Efforts!

Regards
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Old 07 March 2005, 09:32   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rogue Wave

If one is really really pissed off however with RI the the best way of registering your complaint is to explain why you have cancelled your subscriptions in a leter with a link to this thread and send it to the Ad managers of the companies that take out big adverts in RI. 42 registrered letters with contents similar to Nashers falling on Yamaha's desk would surely make Hugo think twice before he attempts to bully us again!

It would certainly enhance the politics of buying advertising space and cause Hugo some disruption which will make him think twice before he send the 'boys ' around to JK's again
!
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Old 07 March 2005, 14:36   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono
we will have no alternative but to hand this matter onto our most senior “legal executive” (at least that’s what it said on his job application) a Mr Gareth Fish.
i av reseeved mi instrukshuns wiv reegard too dis mattir.

1. gow to fkin bryton toot de sweet
3. do nott bennd ova unnder eny sircumstansis evun too pik munny ofn de
futpaff
2. luk forr a tenn fut torl bastud wiv a harestile like rinn tinn tinn
3. brake iz leggs, emmpty iz wollit an giv im a kik inn de bollix
4. reetirn to bayse


gArf
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Old 07 March 2005, 15:01   #48
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anchor locker

Can anybody send me old rib internationals I want to fill my anchor locker up with them to stop the anchor damaging the inner hull instead of those silly rubber matt things, when wave hopping,
I was also of the opinion that artricles on the net are outside the law, where is the server Kiev, or Unganda as for net names , who is Fjordrafting, was that name on his birth cert ha ha
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Old 07 March 2005, 15:40   #49
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Boat name: S.S. Nobstick
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Fleece, Grabbit & Sue,
St Paddy’s Chambers,
The Law Courts,
Never-Never Land
Tel 0800-talkingshite
Fax 0800 – howmuch
DFX 019283746


Sue/Mad/12889

7th March 2005


To Whom It May Concern

As senior partner at the firm, I feel that it is my duty to write an open letter to the esteemed members of this forum, to publicly apologize for the actions of a member of my staff. Mr. Obnoxious-Twat has, unfortunately acted in excess of any authority that he held in his instructions to our Legal executive, Mr. Fish. If he had read the full context of Mr. Fish's application to this position at the firm as I have had cause to do recently, he would have been aware of Mr. Fish's alarming propensity to administer violence as a means of communication. On reading his references from the Prison service, it has now become obvious that Mr. Fish was not a Prison Officer as first thought. Indeed I believe that Mr. Fish spent considerable time in the psychiatric unit undergoing extensive electro therapy. Still we can all make mistakes and Mr. Obnoxious-Twat says that he is "very, very sorry" about Mr. Kennett’s untimely demise during the service of the papers by mister Fish.
I am sure that when Mr. Fish said " Eye fort the lank fecka woz mukkin abowt, I did knot no hee hadd a dodgy hart" He was, in his own way, expressing remorse.
To avoid any possible reoccurrence of today’s events, Mr. Obnoxious-Twat has decided to give up his position here and take up his seat in the House of Lords. The whereabouts of Mr. Fish are currently unknown.


Yours insincerely,


Sir J Fleece DBBS MFI GPS




.....
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Old 07 March 2005, 21:18   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono

On reading his references from the Prison service, it has now become obvious that Mr. Fish was not a Prison Officer as first thought. Indeed I believe that Mr. Fish spent considerable time in the psychiatric unit undergoing extensive electro therapy. Still we can all make mistakes and Mr. Obnoxious-Twat says that he is "very, very sorry" about Mr. Kennett’s untimely demise during the service of the papers by mister Fish.


Yours insincerely,


Sir J Fleece DBBS MFI GPS


.....

"
... and as for da rest of yas..., ya'd betta watch yer Ps & Qs or ya might find yer RIBs swimmin wit da Fishes or wake up one mornin beside a seahorse in yer bed!" - High & Mighty S**thead


Stay tuned for the Codfodder Part II...
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