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Old 08 September 2011, 03:39   #1
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Free Boat Show Ticket

To the best boat related joke that can be used on the boat jokes page on our site

http://www.stormforce.biz/informatio...oat-jokes.html

Enter by replying to this thread please

Deadline is close of play Tuesday 13th September, my decision is final etc etc, blah, blah, blah
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Old 08 September 2011, 06:39   #2
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OK

A question for the old salts etc who know their way around the terminology/knots etc of a yacht.

What is a Spar-Lash?
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Itís the noise a diver makes when he enters the water

Nasher.
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Old 09 September 2011, 17:45   #3
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Looks like we go into the weekend with nasher in first place!!
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Old 10 September 2011, 07:04   #4
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A Blonde businesswoman is driving her BMW and is shocked to see another Blonde attempting to row a boat in the middle of a nearby grassy field.

Enraged, she pulls over and hollers at the straining oarswoman:

"You silly cow, you're giving blonde women everywhere a bad name - I ought to go out there right now and give you a slap...

...the only thing saving you is I can't swim"




Maybe not one for the website, eh?
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Old 10 September 2011, 07:36   #5
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After a cruise ship sinks, three blondes are washed up on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears, and offers to grant each one of them a wish.
The 1st blonde asks to be intelligent, instantly she is turned into a brunette, and swims off the island.
The 2nd blonde asks to be even more intelligent, instantly she is turned into a red head, and builds a boat and sails off the island.
The 3rd blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the other two, instantly she is turned into a man, and walks across the bridge.

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Old 10 September 2011, 07:51   #6
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Two guys out fishing in the ocean, one lands a fish. Suddenly the fish speaks "if you release me, you can have any wish you want"
The guy throws the fish back into the water, and wishes the whole sea would change into beer. Instantly this happens and the sea is beer!
His mate replies "you IDIOT, now we've got to pee in the boat!"

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Old 10 September 2011, 08:05   #7
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Best for last......

4 married guys go Ribbing together leaving to catch the tide at 5am, and the conversation starts...
1st guy, "you have no idea, to be able to come out today I had to promise the wife I would paint the bedroom next weekend"
2nd guy, "that's nothing, I had to promise to landscape the garden next weekend."
3rd guy, "you got it easy, I had to promise to fit a new kitchen!"
After a while they realise the 4th gut hadn't said anything, so they ask him" did you have to promise anything to come out ribbing?
4th guy, "nah, just set the alarm for 4:30, when it went off, I slapped the wife's arse and said ribbing or sex?" she replied "don't forget the sun cream"

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Old 10 September 2011, 10:30   #8
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Come on Nasher! Your going to have to try harder for a ticket
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Old 10 September 2011, 14:09   #9
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Two women on their way back from a great day out on the rib in their dry suits stop in a graveyard for a piss.

One wipes her fanny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath of flowers. Their two husbands were in the pub the next day.

One says, "I'd better watch my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on." The other man says, "That's all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, We'll never forget you. From all the boys at the fire station!!"
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Old 10 September 2011, 15:05   #10
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A tough looking group of ribnet userson a blast when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.


The leader, a big burly man, jumps off his boat and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?".

So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the ribnetter says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?".

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
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