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Old 30 September 2005, 08:46   #1
Country: Other
Town: Hayle, Kernow
Boat name: Spare RIB
Make: Narwhal
Length: 5m +
Engine: 130 Yam Outboard
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 642
The best of tech support

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen...
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound so good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work


Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."



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Old 30 September 2005, 08:54   #2
randski's Avatar
Country: UK - England
Town: Cornwall
Make: Waveline
Length: under 3m
Engine: Yamaha 2.5
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 420
Luv it


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Old 30 September 2005, 17:09   #3
Hugh Jardon's Avatar
Country: UK - England
Town: Reading, Hants
Boat name: Juicy
Make: Sealine F43
Length: 10m +
Engine: 2 x 370hp
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,875
nice one shaggers, love it
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Old 30 September 2005, 18:20   #4
Richard B's Avatar
Country: UK - England
Town: Berkshire and Devon
Make: Lodestar
Length: under 3m
Engine: Mercury 5hp
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,015
True 'phone call I made a few years ago.... It was the made to an admin office after I'd fixed their print queue problem...

Me: Good morning, I'm from the support office, I'd just like to confirm that your printer is working this morning?

Admin girl: No, it's still broken.

Me: That's strange, I printed a test and it reported as OK!

Admin girl: Well, nobody's printed anything this morning.

Me: Do you think you could check the waste basket and see if there's any print jobs in it?

Admin girl: There won't be any 'cos the printer's broken!

Me: OK, but could you confirm that?

Admin girl: Oh I suppose so..... Ah yes there's one sheet of paper in the bin.

Me: Has it got anything printed on it?

Admin girl: It says - this is a test print - do not throw this away - please call Richard on x4949

Me: Thanks, have a great day!

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Old 30 September 2005, 18:28   #5
Richard B's Avatar
Country: UK - England
Town: Berkshire and Devon
Make: Lodestar
Length: under 3m
Engine: Mercury 5hp
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,015
'nuvver one...

I was walking across a large office when a girl form the personnel department stopped me.

"You're from IT aren't you?"


"Could you help me, I need to use my boss's PC to get a report done."

"OK, what's the problem?"

"Well, it doesn't seem to do anything at all... can you take a look, it's just in here."

"OK.... is that the one under the monitor?"

"Yes, and when I press the power on button, nothing happens."

"Right, well there's a good reason. That's a dockng station, it doesn't work without your boss's laptop in it!"

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