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Old 05 October 2005, 17:04   #1
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How to drive a BMW

Found this on another Forum - brilliant

"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of
my motorways,which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow
downfor me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into
a barelybig enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my
motorway! (Thedriver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and
honked anapology to me with a long blast of his horn.)

Unbelievably, I had tried to do the same again before I could
get into the BMW lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone
knows it is for BMW drivers only?)

Anyway, once I was in the BMW and posing along at 95mph
enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed
an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of
my motorway, but was only driving at a ridiculous 70mph!

Naturally, I got to within a foot or so from his rear bumper and
flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of
my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did
just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind
me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run
him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the
hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had
stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my
car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I
have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a Police station to be sent away to
have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're 60 each and I was
allowed 3! But the man at the Police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12
points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!"
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Old 06 October 2005, 04:35   #2
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oh dear
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Old 06 October 2005, 16:48   #3
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See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!"

I dont want to upset you.... but 7/10 the people who are racing about as if its judgement day seems to be the BMW crowd surely followed by the AUDI clan- thats not a problem for me - beause mainly they seem to be quite proficient in the way they drive. The people who really piss me off are the Merecedes sprinter crowd who are determined to commit suicide.. However, my wife drives a 320d estate and that combination is extremely
frightening.

jonathan
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Old 06 October 2005, 17:09   #4
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mmm...

bmw in the outside lane....lunch
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Old 06 October 2005, 19:01   #5
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I think it's a disgrace that just any BM drivers think they should be permitted in the the 'V8 and over' lane!
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Old 06 October 2005, 19:55   #6
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the mrs read the bit on the bmw and said "god thats you to a tee"

ouch
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Old 07 October 2005, 04:55   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Hartley
the mrs read the bit on the bmw and said "god thats you to a tee"

ouch
Guess I'll find out on Monday
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Old 07 October 2005, 05:14   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nauti Buoy
Guess I'll find out on Monday
bring your crash helmet!!!!!
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Old 07 October 2005, 05:30   #9
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Overall fastest vehicles on the motorways at present continue to be Astra vans. Close second are the blokes in Skodas desperately trying to show that they're really driving a VW in drag.
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Old 07 October 2005, 05:48   #10
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...closely followed by Mr-shirt-and-tie in a people carrier
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