I popped into the Redbay workshop yesterday to use the head. Being Saturday lunchtime, the place was deserted and littered with goodies. Get behind me Satan, I thought - my first mistake.
The jakes were being refurbed, so eager to "sign" their sterling work I slipped through the propped open door and was soon stood there quietly whistling as my holding tank drained - second mistake.
Before my (e)mission was complete, something poked me in the bum. Not being the type who takes pleasure in such things I said "F##k off!" and looked over my shoulder - no-one there. Looked down - there was the work's German Shepard guard dog with it's nose at my @rse!
Now, I'm more of a cat type, and this thing is HUGE. It's teeth are 6" from my unprotected unmentionables. I smell of cats - third mistake. Luckily, pi$$ing myself was an option no longer available to me.
Turns out he's a Good Dog and doesn't eat punters, so we negotiated a conditional release (I promised to not come back). The upside is that I know now that there's nothing wrong with my heart, I'd be dead if there was...