following your ineptitude over recent years, which I strongly suspect is the result of you and your company being privatised in the late '80s, I'd like to get my order in early this year:
Last year I asked for a RIB and you sent me an inflatable which I cannot adequately describe on a family orientated forum(the real hair didn't even last a week, the puncture made her sound like she'd eaten all the christmas brussell sprouts in one sitting and I could only find one opening). The Old Spice aftershave and Homer Simpsons socks didn't really cut the mustard either
The previous year, if you check your records I asked for something wild, windswept and interesting............a week ashore on St Kilda wasn't quite what I had in mind
and the Blue Stratos and Kylie Minogue Calendar only partially lifted my spirits especially once I'd diluted the Blue Stratos with some Irn Bru
The year before that must have been your greatest acheivement ever: I asked for piles of money.............you forgot the money but I certainly have the.....oh well never mind. The Hi Karate Deodorant was interesting and made a pleasant change from Japanese whisky. The mouldy old orange in my stocking wasn't to my liking: it made walking in them very difficult.
Perhaps you might consider upgrading your computer system to Windows 3.1 like the CSA seem to have done
and just in case you've forgotten already what I want for christmas this year: