shiver me timbers you dog-eared bugswallowers, this be an excitin' time for all you dizzy-eyed pignurdlers. I ere you be settin' your sails for thee isle of wighty blighty on the morn of the 19th day of the 9th month of this ere yere. I'd be a local yocal to these ere parts and would be glad to welcome yee all onto me isle with a bang of me cannon, a squark of me parrot and a clank of me olde tankard full of me finest home brew.
As all the weather-beaten miscreants who invaded on the 8th day of thee 8th month (when the cloud was thick, the air was dank and the wind was a blowin') in a brave sea-doggin' attempt to circumnavigate the viscious isle will tell yee ol, me local drinking hole yee be the olde King's Head in the port of Yarmouth. Ere you'll find the biggest bunch of misfits and colly bogglers you ever be a settin' eyes upon. Me and me parrot would be 'appy to book you all in for lunch and may even drag our scurvey drunken asses out of our lice ridden hammocks and come and join you.
Then after we had all drunken the bar dry and stuffed our gullets with the finest steak known to man and if my sea hardy vessel were not so dog swogglingly small, i'd be mounting me plank off thee starboard quarter for all you molly-coddled jugswiggers to be a walkin' off into the ocean and down to Davey Jones's Locker....oh aaaarrrrr jim bob me laddy.
So in English, I'd be happy to book you in to a pub in yarmouth for lunch if you wish (although booking probably wouldn't be necessary) and may come and join you...What say thee, thou gnarling, dizzy-eyed pantaloon pullers!
Tim (Pirate Dick the Periwinkle...see below!)
PS here be some essential sources for pirate names and words (quite useful in writing essays like that above)